Senior Year Hits Hard

I'm two months into my final eight months of college. The idea of completing this leg of my life journey is absolutely terrifying. I think I've reached total panic mode at this point. I just turned 20, and soon I'm going to be expected to be a real adult and go into the "real world."

I actually hate it when people use that phrase, though I do it myself much more than I'd like to admit. If the real world is what happens after graduation, what universe do we exist in now? I've never felt like I had it particularly easy in college, maybe it's because I'm one of those obnoxiously overambitious students, but for the first time, I'm worrying about what I'll do when I graduate. Up until this point, everything has been clearly laid out for the most part: go to school, graduate, go to college- but what comes next? There's an entire world that I haven't explored yet. There's so many things I wish I'd learned. 

To be honest, I love school. I love going to classes, talking to professors, studying in the library- I don't know what it is, there's just something about being at school that feels comfortable. I guess a good way to describe it would be safe. It's easy, just follow the rules, do your work and everything will turn out okay. Sometimes I worry my tunnel vision of getting through school was a weakness instead of an asset through. Yes, it's the reason I'm getting out of AU in three years instead of four and graduating with two majors, but everything comes with a cost. I wish I'd taken more science and math classes. I'm not planning to go into any fields that would require me to really look at numbers or formulas, but I just wish I'd taken the time to learn as much as I possibly could.

Some of the classes that I've enjoyed the most have been the optional ones. The one-credit yoga class, creative writing and media entrepreneurship were some of the highlights of my college academic experience, yet I only was able to get my feet wet. It's tragically unfortunate that we can't stay in school forever, major in everything and just live a life filled with knowledge and information. There's a professor I once had who said you never stop learning, even after school. I really hope he's right. The worse situation for me post-graduation would be sitting in an office doing the same thing day after day, but I fear I'll find myself doing just that.

It's very easy for me to get bored. Maybe that's why I'm so into fidget spinners right now. I just worry that I'll get bored of my career the same way I got bored of softball when I was in fourth grade, or political science when I was two years into majoring in it. 

Senior year hits hard. Everyone always tells you you have all the time in the world, but when you're a senior you realize that time's running out. It's when you realize you might be saying goodbye to people for real, when you start detaching yourself from the place you've been living for the past three years and when you start seeing all the things you missed out on that it starts to get scary. 

Graduating in three years means I'm missing out on a year of the "college experience," which i know sounds really dumb, but it's true. There's one less year of getting to be reckless without thinking of the consequences. Someone once told me nostalgia is supposed to be a happy feeling, but I've come to realize that there's a sharp side to it too.

Right now, I'm not letting myself get caught up in it. It'd be easy to wallow and detach myself from everything and everyone to make leaving easier, but then I'd regret missing out on my senior year. Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say with this post. I guess I"m trying to spark a self-fufilling prophecy: This year will be the best so far, but the best is always yet to come.