Moving Forward and Feeling Stuck
I've been in a bit of a rut lately. It's hard to let go of things that you've grown used to. Imagine being told your whole life that the world is flat and then suddenly, science decides it's actually round. That's how I've been feeling.
Maybe I was too comfortable. Even when I was uncomfortable, I've always still had constants to cling to. Now, for the first time, I don't. Some days are harder than others. I miss going school, seeing my friends around campus and being surrounded by people my own age. People keep asking me how the "real world" is, but I haven't been able to give a good answer. I'm still trying to figure out where my "real world" is. Being a college graduate and working full-time at 20 is confusing. There's no happy-hours after work, and meeting people at the bar. Just a lot of work, sleep and Netflix nights.
Most importantly, I'm learning to change my attitude and perspective. Nothing is forever, but that doesn't mean you have to cling to things to make them stay. Sometimes you have to love knowing that it might not last forever, but that it'll be okay.
Telling myself that I'm going to be okay is sometimes the best way to calm down and embrace a situation. When I thought the rut I was stuck in would last forever, I pushed myself forward. It's like quicksand. You think you're sinking, but if you calm down, you float and it's not as deadly as we're made to believe in TV shows and movies.
I started focusing on moving forward last week. It was time to stop running away and learn to accept myself and the situations I was in. I'm so lucky to be where I'm at in life. Even if most of the time I feel lost and out of place, I am so, so fortunate. For the first time in recent memory, I'm not stressed out about finances. I have a job I love and people who support and encourage me to chase my dreams.
The best version of myself emerges when I'm taking care of others. I think for a while I thought I had to take care of other people, but recently I've learned there are alternatives. I'm adopting a pair of kittens this weekend. There are so many abandoned animals in the world, and I'm in a place where I'm stable enough to take care of a pair, so why not? Besides, I need some sweet kitty snuggles ASAP.
Sometimes it's hard to look at things and people I've lost along the way, but through it all, I've found myself and I'm learning to love her. So get ready for lots of cute kitty pictures and positive thoughts and vibes because that's where I'm putting my energy now.
8/15/2018 10:51:05 am
I'm so proud of you! Can't find the words to express my admiration. Love your writing, love your kind heart, your courage! Most important, you should be proud of yourself! When you feel lost, look at yourself through my eyes !
8/15/2018 01:32:43 pm
Be strong, Aubrey. You might feel alone sometimes but you are not alone. Thanks for writing about the journey. I am so proud of you. Always. Stand tall.
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